Insomnia and Summer Novels

Alright, so I still can't fall asleep, so I worked on my novel for this summer...goal number 1. :)

And guess what? It's CHICK LIT! :D Best type of book everrr, even though romance hasn't really started blooming yet. (That's because...I dunno...I don't want to give it away? Actually, it's because I had trouble wrapping up Chapter 3. That's why.)

Yeah, so I'm taking a break from The Eleventh (even though I need to finish the second book) because The Eleventh got so wrapped up in my senior year...I need a break from it, too. I'll finish the draft of the second by the end of the year, and maybe get started on the third if I can (NaNo '09?)...but for now...noooooo. I'm writing harmless chick lit. :P I'm almost 10,000 words in, and although I don't have any outline written (which has me kind of freaking out) I have a good idea of where it's gonna go.

With the exception, of course, of the next few scenes. I think it's going to end up being kind of like Highness in the sense that the first draft is gonna SUCK due to its flailing-about nature, but hopefully it'll be salvageable. Maybe even enjoyable? I'm trying to get a spunky-type female narrator-thing going, since that's what contemporary chick lit is all about. Hopefully I'm succeeding.

Oh, and it's based off of my own experiences (haha, no). It's about a girl named Wendy Phillips who has an overactive imagination that ends up sucking her into movie plots as she watches them, in particular one movie: an action-adventure fantasy type called Glass Flower that stars her best friend's celeb crush. But the guy Wendy ends up falling for isn't the actor her friend adores, but the character himself - the standard charming action hero with the weird name, Cain Leafheart. But Wendy ends up learning that falling in love with someone who's just in her head has more problems than solutions, especially when she begins to lose the overactive imagination that gave her Prince Charming in the first place.

I either want to call it "Overactive Imagination" or "In Your Head"...or something else. I'm having trouble coming up with a title I like. :/ Oh well. I'll call it Overactive Imagination for tagging purposes...even though it's currently In Your Head in the document version. Heheh...working title, much?

But yeah...maybe I'll post the Prologue through Chapter Three here! :) Just for fun. Like a preview! Haha, yeah, I'll do that. (But I'm going to be lazy and not transfer over the italics...because I'm lazy. Hehe, sorry.) Here is the unedited first draft prologue...:

Prologue

I have always had an overactive imagination. It was just something that was a part of me - I personally always blamed it on being an only child with two parents working full-time. Plus, there being three of us, I was sometimes the odd one out. (Yeah, three-way conversations? They don't work.)

So, when my parents were out and I was stuck at home with a babysitter or at that after school program they signed me up for every year, I usually just had to dream up my own adventures to have. It wasn't to say that I didn't have friends, because I totally did. I was actually a really social kid, not "Miss Popular", but high enough up the social ladder to never be in a situation without someone I could be friendly with.

It was just that a lot of times, I was stuck in a situation where either I was by myself, or everyone else around me wasn't being as friendly as they could have been. (This happened a lot if my parents had to drag me to a company dinner or a dinner party with their friends, and I was surrounded by boring adults who would ask me my name, age, and what I wanted to be when I grew up before ignoring me completely.) So I had to make do with what I had, and what I had was my imagination.

It started out innocently enough. First, I had basic imaginary friends. I never had a consistent imaginary friend, I just used whatever was around me. Sometimes it was a stuffed animal, sometimes it was an action figure, and sometimes it was a cloud up in the sky. Then, once I got older and could imagine things in my head, I would think up vague shapes of people to talk to. Eventually, they became clearer and ended up developing personalities, and I sifted through my very large collection until I found a few characters that seemed interesting enough to keep imagining up everyday.

Then I started getting into reading books, seeing movies, and every now and then playing a video game. That, as it turned out, was a mistake just waiting to happen.

As it turned out, my imagination on its own was completely harmless. No matter how real anything was when I imagined it up, it wasn't...you know. Real. It was just a tiny little figment of my imagination that I could throw away at a moment's notice.

But, apparently, my imagination worked synergistically with other people's imaginations. If a book was imaginative enough, suddenly I found myself staring at a vague shape that resembled the main character or villain, and they would only go away once I closed the book. It was the same with games - characters would begin to interact with me outside the screen, only leaving me alone if I turned the console off.

Movies were the worst - as soon as I started watching a movie, it was like I was in the movie. Sometimes my interpretation of the movie plot would end up drastically different than whoever I watched it with because I ended up basically seeing a different movie. (Apparently, adding just one character - namely me - could potentially change a movie from a sad ending to a happy one, as demonstrated when I single-handedly saved both Romeo and Juliet when I saw the 1968 film.) Heck, sometimes I ended up seeing a different movie if I watched the movie a second time.

But it only happened to me, and nothing that happened in the movie was permanent. I think I got killed once when I watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and I was fine when the movie ended. That was always what happened - the movie would end, I would wake up from my movie trance, and everything would be normal again. It just made it unbelievably awkward to watch movies with people, since if they turned to talk to me during the movie, I wouldn't respond. In fact, I'd usually just stare up at the screen, my mouth open a little bit, looking a bit like I was about to have a seizure (that was how one of my friends, Nellie, described it).

I mean, it wasn't really much of a problem. I just avoided watching movies, if I could. In class, if we were going to watch a movie, I'd usually find some way to convince my teachers I had to go to the bathroom, health office, library, computer lab, lockers, or, once, across the street for coffee. And some movies weren't even worth trying to get out of, so I'd just watch them anyway. (If it got bad, sometimes I could close my eyes and avoid getting sucked into it.) I also learned that if I avoided big screens and dark viewing rooms, I could "snap out of it" much easier - so movie theaters became off-limits to me. I didn't care, though, since I had enough luck to land a group of friends that put shopping and trips to the beach before movies.

Really, though, it wasn't anything I ever had to tell anyone. It was just an overactive imagination that didn't go away when I hit puberty, like all my friends. So I kept it all through high school, and as I entered my senior year, I had just sort of gotten used to it.

Unfortunately, that was the year my overactive imagination got the better of me.

Which really sucked, because I had to focus on college apps and not failing my calculus class.

But whatever - it was nothing I, Wendy Yui Nakamura-Phillips, couldn't handle.

(Except the calculus thing. Oh my god, derivatives. HOW DO YOU DO THEM?)

The nice guy...

Okay, so you know how in romance novels/movies, there is usually a love triangle? And in this triangle, there is the "safe guy" and the "dangerous guy"? And how a lot of times, the dangerous one wins because the heroine just doesn't feel excited enough when she's with the safe one EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER?

Like...Twilight. Now, I'm going purely off the first book/movie (since that's the only one I've seen/read), but Edward is definitely Mr. Dangerous and Jacob is Mr. Safe. GUESS WHO WINS? GUESS WHO IS PERFECT FOR BELLA BUT LOSES ANYWAY?

(I think I am one of those people referred to as "Team Jacob"...but seriously! Who wouldn't want to hang out with a bunch of werewolves? Werewolves are super cool! Especially when the other choice is a family of dead people who watch you sleep.)

So...I finished one of the books I checked out of the library (part of the eleven chick lit books I am reading for my summer goals), and guess what? Mr. Safe won! I was so worried Lindsey would end up ditching Michael for Dustin, but SHE DIDN'T! That made me so happy in only a way that chick lit can. Aaaaaah...this is why I love summer.

(What was the point of this blog post again?)

(Also: why am I tagging this as a rant? This is a pathetic excuse for a rant. But whatever, it's my blog, I can do what I want. I feel like I've said this already...)

Summer goals?

So before, when I made my summer goals, I said that I was going to read more chick lit. Yesterday I went to the library to check out some chick lit, and ended up getting four books ("the Asian one", "the Southern cooking one", "the amnesia one", and "the one written by one of the cowriters of the movie Legally Blonde"). I'm now about 2/3 of the way done with one of them ("the Asian one"), so hopefully that one will go up on the master list of chick lit I've read soon. (Hopefully then followed by the other three in a timely manner, since I have to turn all of them back in on July 15).

I think that was the first time I'd used my library card in at least a year - maybe more...I was sort of afraid it wasn't going to work (the library card, I mean). I'm so bad, I never go to the library.

Actually, that's not true. I went to the library a bunch of times over the past year, but that was as a meeting place to work on projects with people. I don't think I ever checked out any books. I want to say the last time I checked out books was sometime during junior year when I was working on that project about Robert Fulton and Eli Whitney with Melanie. (I think that was when I had to replace my library card so I could check out those books and do research at home.)

Luckily, the card worked, and I was able to use those self-checkout things so I didn't have to interact with anyone. Plus, those machines are kind of fun. :P Yup...

I really should use the library more often...hahaha. Libraries are cool. You don't have to pay money but you get to read all the books you want. And those books don't end up cluttering up your room and taking up space. (In case you couldn't tell, I'm trying to go through my stuff in my room and get rid of a lot of it before I go off to college.)

So yeah...what was the point of this blog post again?

Summer 2009: Chick Lit

So I said I would read at least 11 chick lit books this summer. Here is a list of the 11 books I have read so far, and the day I finished them (roughly...some of them are guesswork):

1. Airhead by Meg Cabot - 6/13

2. Being Nikki by Meg Cabot - 6/14

3. Buddha Baby by Kim Wong Keltner - 6/19

4. Deep Dish by Mary Kay Andrews - (estimated) 6/23

5. The Bachelorette Party by Karen McCullah Lutz - 7/5

6. Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella - 7/6

7. The Cinderella Pact by Sarah Strohmeyer - 7/9

8. Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella - (estimated) 7/14

9. The Sleeping Beauty Proposal by Sarah Strohmeyer - 7/27

10. Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot - 8/1

11. Queen of Babble in the Big City by Meg Cabot - 8/2

Still need to read: 0

DONE! :)

In lieu of BFS...

Here are 11 personal goals for this summer. Because you know how I feel about the number 11. ;)

(These goals, except for #3 and #4, are made up on the spot, by the way.)

1. Write a novel - because hey, why not?
2. Go to the city on the train with my friends - because I still haven't done this.
3. Get my driver's license - because I need to.
4. Watch a sunrise - because I still want to...
5. Take a picture under Hoover Tower - because I forgot to.
6. Read at least 11 brainless chick lit books - because that was how many books/plays I read in entirety in AP English this year, and, of course, it is conveniently my new favorite number.
7. See Janice - because I do it every summer, and I know it's a goal I'll make.
8. Clean my room - because I told my mother I would...
9. Practice flute at least sometimes - because I won't be quitting in college, apparently...
10. Make sure to coordinate me-Cally-Brandy-Anna stuff so it actually HAPPENS - because I don't want to not see them all at once this summer.
11. To get some sort of thing made to represent/remember "home" with - because I'll be leaving it.

Yep...

Google Doc Novel(s)

Alright, so earlier this year I had a problem. That problem came in the form of a 4th period Writer's Craft "workshop day", where we were to work on our final projects which were due the following week.

Now, I was a good girl, and I had loaded my notes and things onto a USB memory stick so I could work on it at school. Little did I know that USB memory sticks were too much the things of the future, and that the computers I would be using were old and decrepit.

In fact, they were too old and decrepit to be able to read my USB memory stick (that was shaped like a cute little surfboard with a Hawaiian-type hibiscus-type flowery print that was sort of flaking off). So I couldn't work on my creative writing final project...

And I was so incredibly bored.

I also realized that I didn't have any novel stored on Google Docs - I just had stuff emailed to myself. But I didn't have my NOTES emailed to me, and therefore couldn't work on the excerpt I decided I was going to turn in. (Which is lame and totally not topping Fairy Tale and grrrr yeah I know I already talked about this but it's my blog so I get to do what I want.)

So I've decided to start a chick-lit novel on Google Docs so that if I am ever stuck in that sort of situation again, I can at least work on SOMETHING.

It's also different enough from The Eleventh that I can use it if I want to work on something in between books, I can. (Even though I'm starting it now, when I'm not done with the draft of the second "book" yet. So I'm actually being a hypocrite.)

OH BUT I FOUND SOMETHING EXCITING.

It's a book called "The Hunger Games". I haven't actually read it, but I've heard it mentioned enough times to assume that it's selling. Which is GOOD, because I read a plot synopsis and it sounds reminiscent of The Eleventh (you know, about a bunch of kids killing each other, but with a story behind it and a happyish ending). So...you know...if it's doing well, then maybe if I one day publish The Eleventh, it might have a chance! Maybe!

Hey, it's publishing. A "maybe" is good enough for me, since I might not even ever get to get PUBLISHED, much less do well.

But I was thinking. Since I'm writing a chick-lit novel on Google Docs, and I think chick-lit might be a more lucrative area (or at least one that's a bit less embarrassing to tell to my classmates...maybe...), what if I one day became an author...with two names! One could be my real name, and that could be where I would write chick-lit, and the other could be an androgynous (a la JK Rowling) pen name under which I would write science fiction or fantasy or whatever the hell I wanted.

Dunno if that would actually work...

But at least if people asked me what sort of books I wrote...

I wouldn't have to say sci-fi/fantasy, which I have determined is the most embarrassing genre to write in if you're a high schooler (HEY WAIT I'M NOT A HIGH SCHOOLER ANYMORE! I GRADUATED! AAAHAHAHA YES!) summer-before-college girl who is trying to be somewhat normal/likable/friendly/etc. Back in high school, if I said I wrote sci-fi/fantasy, people would look at me weird.

Now, I figure, as long as I stay somewhat in the realm of "realistic fiction" (which Overactive Imagination, the story I started on Google Docs, is kind of not...but hey, it's a "transition" book, so shut up), it won't be quite as embarrassing to tell people that I write for fun.

And hey.

At least now I have something to work on if I'm ever stuck with a computer with Internet connection but nothing for The Eleventh. Yay?

Things I Have Learned (About Junior/Senior Year)

I was going to make this a Facebook note and tag my friends who are going to be juniors and seniors next year, but I dunno if I will. So I guess I might as well post it here, since in case I want to put it on Facebook later, I'll just have to copy + paste it instead of try and write it again.

(By the way, I graduated yesterday. THAT MEANS I AM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER. Yay.)

And here it is:

So I thought that I might as well help you guys out with your anxiety about junior/senior year by giving some helpful advice. =] little life lessons I learned at 2 am when I probably should have been asleep:

FOR JUNIORS:
- If your parents want to spend money to get you good scores: SAT tutors 1-on-1 seem to be more helpful than SAT classes.
- Retaking the SAT doesn't always raise your scores.
- This is the year you should start figuring out what subjects you hate so you DON'T take the hardest class possible in that area. It's not worth it. Go for the easy class. It's better.
- Staying up late doesn't help as much as you think it will. You'll end up forgetting more than you cram. Sleep instead.
- More sleep also means you will be happier. (See below.)
- Remember to have fun. Your social life/personal life will probably be a bigger deciding factor in the whole "good year/bad year" thing than however much schoolwork you have.
- Also: the more life experiences outside the classroom you have that are unique/life-changing/whatever to you, the easier time you're going to have writing that college essay, so get out of your house and do something cool.
- On that same note: it might be good to start thinking about college, or thinking about thinking about college. Don't stress about it, just think about what sort of things you want in a school.
- If you're in band: DON'T EVEN THINK about not going on that band trip. =]

FOR SENIORS:
- All those things about "having fun" in the above list apply to you to.
- The college essay isn't as bad as some people make it out to be. Just make sure you write about something that interests YOU, because then it will be more fun for the admissions people to read. Also, make sure other people edit it - namely, friends who aren't afraid to tell you what is wrong with your essay.
- Not kidding about this: spread out the work on your college apps. If you can, even try and do some stuff for the Common App during the summer. Start thinking about what you're going to write the essays about. You'll do SO much better if you don't leave it for the last moment.
- If a school you're looking at has Early Action (or rolling admission), DO IT. Even if you get in, you don't have to commit - and you get a feeling of relief that no matter what, you have a college to go to. And if you don't get in - no big loss. Plus it forces you to be on top of your college apps.
- Second semester senior year is a mindset, not necessarily a description of your classes. Keep that in mind.
- Also keep in mind that while, yes, you could get rescinded if you do really badly your second semester, you won't get rescinded if one A grade drops to a B. So don't stress about your grades, but don't slack. Just do enough so that you stay consistent with your first semester grades, but don't overkill it. Get some sleep. Have some fun.
- On that note: AP classes DO NOT stop after the AP. In some of my AP classes, I had more work during the last week of school than most other times during the whole year. So if you pick AP classes, be warned that you probably won't get much of a break.
- If you're in band: BAND TRIP. DO IT.

I kind of want it to be over now. (Rant time.)

So I have two more days of high school classes, plus baccalaureate, graduation, graduation rehearsal, senior picnic, grad night and I'm sure something I'm forgetting.

And frankly, I don't want to do any of it. I kind of just want to skip forward a week and a half to that Friday after grad, where I can just stay home and sleep. Chill. Have some me time that isn't taken away from homework. (Which is, in fact, what I am doing right now - taking me time away from homework. Because, you know what? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. Yes, that's right - I DON'T CARE about my high school classes. Even the one that has work due tomorrow. Don't caaaaaaaaaaaare.)

And plus, I don't even think the grade I get on the homework that is due tomorrow will affect my overall grade. It's just...bleh. I know my teacher would be either:

a) predisposed to give me an A, because she thinks I'm the next great American writer, or,
b) predisposed to give me a B or lower, because whatever I end up turning in will NOT be the short story version of the next great American novel

That, and I don't think our overall grades are calculated from grades on assignments.

That, and I really, really, really hate the story. Like, I just don't think it's worth my time anymore, because I can't do it justice within the page limit while still filling all the plot criteria, "giving it a strong sense of place", giving the characters a clear sense of character development, and keeping my style intact.

Basically, it's the most irritating project ever, I hate the story I've written, and I just want to skip to next Friday.

Oh - and I'm quitting BFS this year, because I'm definitely not making my goals. Yeah, I'll be going off to college in September, so that's one, and I'll probably get my driver's license and contact lenses (and I might learn to put on makeup), but I'm not going to do anything else. I just don't see it happening.

I also flat out failed that goal to go "above and beyond" on my Creative Writing final project. I just turned in a lame excerpt with a quick drawing so it could have a cover. I mean, I guess the drawing is cool, but whatever. I'm not proud of it, and I was SO proud of myself with my project for Humanities last year. It just really pisses me off that I wasn't able to do anything I would be proud of for that class. And now that girl, the one who was in Humanities with me last year and is in my Creative Writing class this semester, has ended up right.

AND THAT PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING.

I really, really, REALLY hate it when somebody tells me I won't be able to do something, and then I end up not doing it. She totally said to me, "you're not going to be able to top your Humanities project," and I really, really, really wanted to prove her wrong.

And now she's right.

UGH.

Also, I got a writing award. Now everyone's asking me to read stuff I've written. That's kind of a problem, since I'm not serious about writing - I'm just writing drafts I have no intention of publishing. I mean - come on! They're SCIENCE FICTION. They're supposed to be fun FOR ME, but now it seems like everyone is judging me based on what I write.

For fun.

For ME.

If I wanted to publish, I'd write something more popular, since I'd only publish if I thought it had a chance of being worth it. Honestly, I've gotten over that dream of being a famous writer (though it was fun to dream), and now I just want to be able to make a comfortable living off of a job with a salary. I guess the recent economic crisis put my dreams in perspective - my family has been so lucky, and we haven't been affected by it too much.

That's what I want when I grow up. I want to be able to ride out tough economic times with a job I might be able to depend on. MIGHT. Writing? Yeah, that doesn't even have a "might" in it - it's just not dependable, unless you're the 0.0001% of published writers who make it big. I know enough statistics to know my chances of that are so small, I might as well not dream about it (like - serious dream. Goofy dreams are still okay). So it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable that I got a writing award. I mean - what writing? Nothing I've written deserves an award. My stories and speeches don't win things anymore. My poems suck, and I actually hate it when people say they are good. I don't work on them AT ALL. You should recognize someone who works hard on their poems, not someone who throws them down on a paper in 5 minutes to hand in for a class.

I know it's "show biz" (but not), and it's not fair, but really. I should just stop entering poems into contests - other people deserve to win them. Not me. I know 3rd place (last year) and honorable mention (this year) aren't 1st place, but I know that sometimes just getting an honorable mention with something you've spent a lot of time on can be an awesome feeling. It sort of makes me sick to see that something I spent 5 minutes on before never caring about the poem again is robbing that feeling from someone else. Because losing a contest with something you've worked hard on? Pretty damn disappointing. No matter how slim your chances of winning are, there's still that pang of disappointment in yourself, and that's the worst kind of disappointment.

So I don't know why I got the writing award, and it's killing me because I feel so damn guilty and uncreative now. Like I have to measure up to this wonderful woman who died (but published three books in her life), and then her family made the award in her honor and attached a scholarship, and then gave it to me this year. I'm not majoring in creative writing - I'm (planning on) majoring in linguistics. I might switch to psychology, anthropology, sociology, environmental science...something vaguely SCIENCEY. Not writing. NOT EVEN ENGLISH.

ALKSJFLKAJSDLFKJALKDFJALKJDFLAKJDFLAKJDFLKSADJFLAKJSDFLAKJDSFLAKJSFLKAJSDFLKAJFLKJSDLKF

...I'm frustrated. It's also late at night, and I haven't done any homework. I should probably just go to sleep and call it quits, since I have the block period to fix the story and edit it, but...I dunno. We have to read a page of it out loud to the class on Friday. And my teacher, bless her heart, seems like she's spent the whole year telling the class how amazing I am. Now I think they're going to be just like her, expecting a page-long excerpt of the next great American novel - when really, I'm just Anne.

Sigh.

I mean, my novels aren't even EDITED. Why are people so excitable? Why does everyone say I should just go publish them? WHYYYYYY? I'm just eighteen! I'm just a teenager.

Siiiiiiiigh.

Oh - and my speech didn't get picked for graduation. It stung, of course, but what really stings is the continual, "oh, Anne, you're reading a speech at graduation, right?" Yeah, thanks, guys, for assuming I was able to write a contest-winning speech. It's becoming a bit tough to live up to your expectations.

So...

I think I'm going to take a break from creative writing. Maybe for the whole summer. I'm just going to write in my journal, maybe write here with random things (like...I dunno...but if I feel like it, I'll post, since that's what blogs are for), maybe try and organize my life so far. Whatever I write, it's gonna be for me. And no more goals - even setting lofty expectations for myself can be hard when I don't meet them. I'll just play it as it goes, take each day as what it is. I'm not going to write a story, I'm just going to recharge. Take a break. Maybe tell people I've quit, just so they calm down a bit and stop bugging me. A white lie won't hurt anyone, will it? =P

I'm not a superhero.

I'm just Anne.

I'm okay with that - why aren't you?

(On that note - "Waking Up In Vegas" by Katy Perry is a super fun song to dance to when nobody is looking. It's oddly inspirational. And sooooo incredibly catchy. ONE PERSON DANCE PARTY TIME. =D Shut up, and put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas! Get up, and shake the glitter of your clothes now, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas!!!)